Highlander's voyage
by Sketchy Tetra
Summary: Homie bro the highlander was simply invited to Radha, yet before his journey is lonely, a bunch of friends and allies fall from the ceiling. But along with good peers, there are enemies, how will Homie bro live in this deceiving world while discovering the catastrophe of the Labyrinth? (This is the renamed version of Millennium old lady)
1. welcome to Etria

AN: As I said in 5 is better than 1, I'm making a parody of it for Etrian odyssey Untold, Unseen, Unheard, Un…icorn. I think I can manage the struggle of updating it reasonably quickly and not lose it, without farther ado, Millenium old lady… remind me to change the title too…

A highlander docilely shifted his way through the swarming bridge to Etria. Many new things here were new to him, such as the creature that seemed incapable of any noise besides a snort that varied in size and color, each having knobby thin legs and untamed hair that drifted off the side of their longer than normal necks. A miniature red dot, speckled with black, heading no where giving each other piggy back rides, and many other unique objects passed by.

"Hey!"

A female voice shouted,

"Pedestrians this way!"

The foreigner scowled at the woman , trying to grasp ahold of their language for 'khnhom doeng tha anak chhke nhi!' but hadn't gotten the words when the line advanced, the city's soldiers snatching the scroll of admit from the him, examining it with awe,

"Requsted by Radha, huh?"

The visitor shrugged modestly, the guard giving the paper back,

"enjoy your stay in Etria."

Did the highlander care? Not a damn. As soon as the permission was back in his hands, he shot for the town absorbed in the sights and culture when he remembered his purpose, to go to Radha Hall. Knowing it would displease his elders if he didn't, he navigated his way to the building.

The large castle of a beacon loomed over the highlander as he entered glass doors.

Very sophisticated.

A red headed man occupied the front desk, brought his guest to attention, and paced over to him,

"Greetings highlander, welcome to Radha!"

He chimed then his face filled with thought,

"I shouldn't call you that, sounds offensive, what's your name?"

That shouldn't be too hard.

"Homie bro."

The man jerked his head back in shock that either he wasn't aware the new citizen could talk, or the completely ghetto title. Homie bro shifted unsettled, he hadn't meant to astound the greeter then the other man empathized,

"Yes, well Homie bro, I've set up an initiation course for you."

"rsei kho ch please."

Homie bro slapped a hand over his mouth, big mistake to swear in his own language in such a place of high honor, yet the man didn't know what the phrase meant, and it was of course, forgiven.

"Two other explorers shall assist you for this trip, take good care of them.

A dark blue haired lady and a smaller emo ginger one shuffled out, the older one perfecting the Radha's sentence,

"You mean vice-versa."

Then set a worn hand down on Homie bro's shoulder, the other male nodding,

"…Sure, have fun!"


	2. The roooooooster inn!

AN: I appreciate the reviews you two, thank you. This later on will be written with a POV, but for now, I'm gonna do a chapter per establishment.

The two allies followed behind the beginner, not speaking too much until the blue haired chick brought up,

"So, uh, hi, my name Ren."

She spoke with careful slow alliteration, Homie bro questioning if she had always chatted in a 'here's my language, learn it' tone, or if she thought he was dumb.

"I understand you fine."

He replied much more fluent with a touch of an accent. Ren, who seemed Ronin, blushed as she took out the choppy pronunciation of each word,

"Oh, sorry."

The younger girl stared menacingly with yellow eyes of a golden hue.

"…"

Homie bro raised his eyebrows with patience, the girl finally making a noise,

"I'm Tlachtga…"

She gave a small grin, faint but acceptable. Ren, he decided, was much more vocal.

"So how about we look around town?"

The bluenette suggested, Homie bro nodding.

A large egg of yellow sat on the ground, not quite three dimensional, yet illuminated the area as well as the evening sunset to its creator. The highlander and two peers advanced in the building, the rooster inn.

"Hello, welcome to the rooster inn!"

A man of young age chimed, taking his small amount of free time until a bell rang,

"Dammit, one second."

He sprinted over to a row of phones, ripping the one which flashed red,

"What do you want?! Who is this?!"

He asked in a stressed tone, waiting for the caller to respond,

"Fluffy pillow? I- this no palace, just a place to spend the goddamn night and enjoy it!"

The other end seemed falsely upset when the inn keeper interjected,

"Oh, you wanna be put on speaker? Hope you like speaker bitch!"

The phone was relentlessly switched on speaker as Homie bro turned around, Tlachtga and Ren staring at the man oddly, the clicking of hanging up cued as the manager grumbled,

"Effing coward."

The chuckling of several members of a guild mocked his giant scene, footsteps and a door slam being heard from a distance, a dark hunter dashed out just to pick,

"God boi, get you head out of you gay ass!"

Poor inn staff looked like he was about to implode,

"Then stop calling me! That was the 17th fahking time!"

The lady snickered,

"You got it daddy."

The man seemed perplexed as he got back with Homie bro,

"Daddy?...Never mind."

He sighed, Homie bro wondering if there was another place in town he could stay when the other man explained,

"I'm sorry, that lady was pissing me off, and I'm never like that."

Ren again set her hand on Homie bro's shoulder,

"True story."

The inn keeper beamed more, someone was on his side.

"Any way you can come here to rest."

Knowing his job there was done, the employee turned back to his career of wear.


	3. Shillekas goods

A fadedly lit shop stood, Ren haphazardly opening the door for Homie bro, Tlachtga, and herself when a tan woman recognized her customers,

"Ay! Ren! Tlachtga! 'o's the li'tle buddy you got 'erre?"

The duo of female adventurers tugged on Homie bro's sleeve, just enough to reveal his profile,

"Hm, 'aven't seen you beforre."

She laughed lightly, holding out her hand to shake which was gladly performed,

"I'm Shilleka, you arre?"

Homie bro was simply out of it; his mind was off adventuring and on titties. Seeing this, Ren gasped disgusted, ripping off her armor and undergarments,

"I'm single!"

Shilleka wondering why the hell Ren was acting so eccentric, Tlachtga chanting,

"Lap dance! Lap dance!"

To her partner in a whispery voice, Shilleka nervously giggling, covering her eyes. Homie bro no longer desired Shilleka in bed,

"This is Shilleka's goods, basically where this kid plays black female Jesus and sells you anything you want."

Tlachtga summarized,

"Then I'll have that."

Homie bro snickered, Ren slamming into him in a hug of glee, Shilleka astounded by what she just experienced.


	4. Golden Deer Pub

Next was a simple, large vacant house. Though the two young woman seemed to have no interest in it, Homie bro took a glance of curiosity toward it,

"There?"

Ren, now fully attired, looked where the highlander was pointing having no description, to her, it was just an empty dwelling.

"I wouldn't go up, it might be awkward."

Ren advised to Homie bro, not knowing much about his culture, but found him moving off track.

A bar under the name of 'Golden Deer Pub' stood, Homie bro glancing at Ren for permission, finding she was eagerly marching into the tavern with the tiny hexer, the highlander needing to follow. With in the dim house of liquor, another woman stood with a… great, a strapless dress. How many boners can a man get in a day?

"Homie bro,"

Ren called with a gesture, the highlander obediently arriving,

"This is my good companion, Valerie."

Homie bro nodded a greeting, Valerie cooly holding her hand up, flicking her wrist, Ren going into farther detail,

"Here you can get quests from flustered drunks."

Ren then left the bar, Valerie cooing,

"See ya later!"

As the trio left, Tlachtga randomly inquiring,

"Are you ghetto?"

Homie bro sighed, this wasn't quite the first time the question has been asked, much more the 72th. Either way, the girl went on,

"Admit it, you felt as if I was going to throw a knife at you when you first saw my face like you came from a hood,"

True, and something in her duckling-yellow eyes was unassuring, like she was keeping a secret of 'no promises I'll shank you'.

"And you friend-swear at everyone you meet. Plus your name is fucking Homie bro."

The highlander was stunned that the girl spoke such an unholy phrase, then again, she was a hexer.

"Yeah, you'd expect nothing less from a hexer,"

Ren shrugged, then chuckled,

"It sounds like you're dating Eminem's daughter when she's on the field."


	5. Map: complete!

AN: Apologize for the late update, Thanks for the support everyone! I just wanna get to the part where Arthur, Simon, Raquina, and Frederica get in the picture… I don't like millennium Old Lady, I shall name it, I really have no idea… No, finna name it Highlander's voyage. A bit cliché but I don't want Ricky to pop out screaming as this old bitch, 'I'M ON MY MENOPAUSE!'

The scenery was bliss to the eyes as Homie bro placed his foot on the fresh, tame grass, Ren introducing,

"Emerald grove,"

Then deeply inhaled,

"First steps of-"

A thump clomped behind the experienced girls, Homie bro had tripped his first pace, getting assisted up by Tlachtga and Ren, humiliation on his face as he stamped off, the duo skipping behind. Homie bro lashed out the map and a pencil. Part of the cartography was already completed, only a few spots in which he must figure out for himself. The trio paced forward until they spotted an opening in which they could extent their progress. Trudging to that dip, something seemed to falter Homiebro's confident mindset. A presence that was easily described as malicious stalked behind, having him turn to his first suspect, the hexer, which seemed wrong when the being breathed on his leg, a miniature pack of tree rats joining in as a menace.

"An enemy…"

Tlachtga announced, Homie bro growling,

"You don't say!"  
The rodents scampered into position, hissing in attempt to intimidate. The technique hadn't worked on anyone besides…

"C'mon newbie, what's in that drugged out mind of yours?"

Ren scoffed, Homie bro's eyebrows furrowed as he tossed himself in the back row, allowing the two girls to fight , Tlachtga whining,

"It isn't fair, dammit!"

Then began to defend her self, flicking one on the tail, paralyzing it's heart, the other one already decapitated, both envying their client's position, battle ending with no damage dealt to the explorers as they resumed their trip, drinking from a natural well (which got Homie bro wet from the girls, who chose to splash him), and remembering dead ends when Homie bro felt fatigue strike, yawning, a hand gently striking his shoulder,

"Need a break?"

Ren seemed to read his mind, her eyes were droopy too, Tlachtga began to claw open a 5 hour energy and down it. Homie bro smiled a nod, Ren taking his hand to an area stuffed with pastel petaled flowers of all kinds, Tlachtga finding a spot. A large spot in which she could sprint about in as much as she pleased. Ren plopped contently amongst the flora, Homie bro getting on top of her,

"What are you doing?"

The highlander paused in thought, Giving the Ronin time to slink away from his body,

"Ooh, you don't want a baby…"

Ren chuckled lightly, seeming to relax as Homie bro, seeming to relax as Homie bro turned a slouch to a pacified sit, Tlachtga had just ceased her never ending dash, placing herself on the other side of homie bro docilely, placing her head lazily on her shoulder, which was allowed by him. That's the deal with drinks like those,

"This tastes like shit…"

They taste awful, and should be made for fucking cats, since it lasts about a half an hour for bad assed adventurers. Though she had just negatively commented the flavor, Tlachtga downed a second round, wiggling to a stand, Ren and Homie bro still enjoying the comforts of nature when a tromping came from the south, Tlachtga swooping down behind Ren in attempt to hide, Homie bro rocking up to find a swarm of butterflies and an armored orb. He set his lance, waving to the others to back him up, but only this response came,

"You put us in the front row until now, have a turn!"

Homie bro sweat dropped, Ren was speaking truth. He shuffled up, slashing the spear with haste, hustling away from the rocky ball who seemed to have a craving for Homie bro jerky when he turned around, finding he had slain the insects in one joust, he mentally cheered, bloodlust gaining. The battle was soon over, Homie bro exhausted when her turned around, Tlachtga dozing silently on top of Ren, nuzzling into her righteous boobage, homie bro utterly jealous as he picked up the girl who had actually passed out, tilting her on the soft terrain, then poked Ren on the shoulder,

"Ren~!"

He chimed, frisking her arm as she woke, lurching,

"I… Suck your… popsicle… Ah!"

The highlander grinned, it's simple to say they had been dreaming of the same things. Ren got up to her feet, heaving up the light, fainted one.

"Is the map finished?"

Homie bro whipped out the grid, quietly praising the elegant sketch of Ren, her garment level confidential. Blushing, Homie bro replied with a head bob, fibbing. Ren beamed proudly, escorting them out of the woods to Radha Hall.

Ren placed her little peer outside of the building before returning to the place where the to awake ones met, just so she wouldn't act a fool or puke on those shiny-ass floors of the legit building. Homie bro turned in the sheet, the subaltern accepting it with glee,

"Thanks for completing that!"

Thank god he didn't overlook it that gullible dumbass.

"Next, I am going to have to ask you to examine some ruins."

Ren shot her hand up,

"Can I?"

The man shook his head,

"No, Homie bro has to put on his big boy pants."

Ren seemed to snarl at this, flapping a hand to him, Smile on her face,

"We will meet in the future!"

And with that, our highlander shall wander to check out some wreckage known as Gladsheim.


End file.
